As someone who moved around a lot, I do not really know where my home is. But now I actually am able to embrace the saying ‘Home is where the heart is’. I have lived away from home for more than half my life now, and yes it mean I have paid rent for half of my life. Well half-of my working life, since my parents paid for rents prior to that. But I started working a good 6 years ago. Anyway, rent is another topic to discuss some other time. Less nostalgic.
I am able to recall my life in segments, based on countries. Part of the reason why I remember certain events well, I think. Like, Oh this happened when I was studying in Malaysia. This happened when I was working in Singapore. This happened when I was in grade 8 in Indonesia. This was in Vancouver, the first time (I’m in Vancouver for the 2nd time now). But what happened was, my memories of the friends I met at those places stopped when I moved. Yes, there are few people that I keep in contacts every so often, and they are ‘brought’ over to my new ‘life’ in new ‘places’. But majority of people, like my colleagues in Singapore, whom I used to spend at least 10 hours everyday interacting, I don’t talk to them as frequent, and that’s where the gap start, slowly, building up. And it’s going to keep expanding with time. It makes me sad.
I visited Singapore recently, and I wish I met up with everyone, just to touch base, but there were limited time and more people. To be more exact, there are like 2 days of weekend that people are free to meet up and not so tired after long hour of work. Anyway, the people I do get to meet, I’m glad that I get to meet them, so next time, probably different sets of people that I didn’t get to meet the last time. Hope they’ll actually still remember who I am. But to stay with the topic, I felt that there was a certain kind of awkwardness while I met up with them. I mean it could very well be that they are tired after work, but there was that distinct feeling that something didn’t feel right.
Then there were waves and waves of realization of them moving on; career progressing, next stage in life like getting married, having kids, owning a house. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I am happy for them all, for having accomplished everything (a little bit of envy/jealousy perhaps). I wish I had been there for some of them, especially the wedding receptions (not just for the food). I mean they won’t miss me at all since it’s like their biggest day and they are going to be too busy with their stuff, but still I’d like to be there, more because I want to be there, but it just was not possible.
I guess I have moved on too. I have decide to move on when I decided to move back to Vancouver, 2.5 years ago (I guess that would be what other people around me realized, when I didn’t quite realized it. Overall it’s been quite a journey and a hell of an experience. I am establishing a very different life here. I am good, I am happy, and I hope you, the people who are moving on with me in different countries, are happy too. I am not so good in keeping touch with people, that’s probably part of the problem. But I hope against all hopes that when we do cross path again, we could pick up where we left off, and not having to re-start all over again, you know, like having things to talk about and just catch up like we haven’t met in 1 week or something. I really do wish so. I am glad that I have met each and everyone, and that you were part of my life.
Just another ramblings of mine…